Why my friend Josh from New Jersey would be an ideal candidate for the Yahoo CEO position

No doubt you have read the many stories and references I have made in various posts concerning my friend Josh from New Jersey.

Partly the inspiration for my popular Ahhhh . . . If only I were the Old Spice Guy! . . . okay THE inspiration, Josh’s story is an interesting one in that originally hailing from New Jersey, he relocated to Canada as his welfare or unemployment benefits (or some kind of government freebie) were due to run out and take full advantage of our own brand of Canadian hospitality.  Of course I chided Josh when despite our generous welcome, he turned around and wrote in his blog a scathing indictment of the capitalist system.  Talk about biting the hand that feeds you I would write.

For some reason Josh wasn’t pleased with my admonishment.  Hmmmm . . . was it something I said?

Anyway, and despite the absence of a dialogue since then, I nonetheless feel that Josh is the most qualified in terms of assuming the Yahoo helm and, in an effort to mend bridges or fences or what ever needs fixing, here are my top 10 reasons for believing that he is the right man for the job:

  1. In a symbiotic twist Josh, who is a Yahoo, can become both the company’s leader and its new logo.
  2. Josh’s favourite drink is Yoo-Hoo.  I know, I know the company name is Yahoo but close enough.
  3. Yahoo is in need of an idea person and Josh is just that.  Why he once approached me with the concept for a new TV series in which patrons of a bar in Boston spend all their time drinking beer and surviving various comedic situations with the establishment’s owner who just happens to be an ex pitcher with the Red Sox.  Pure gold I tell you, pure gold!
  4. When the time comes (and it will), for Josh’s inevitable departure, the Yahoo board need not worry about his delivering a scathing diatribe of expletive deletives to the press as he will definitely want to leave on a very quiet note so as not to alert unemployment that he actually had a paying job.  This last point interestingly enough segues nicely into the next reason Josh is the ideal candidate for the Yahoo job . . .
  5. He will want to be fired with little fanfare so as not to interrupt his free ride at the expense of the government.  This is an ideal scenario for Yahoo because if he doesn’t work out, they can dispense with him out the back door and not have to explain why they went from bad (Carol Bartz) to worse (Josh) in terms of hiring a CEO.
  6. The Yahoo board doesn’t have to worry about the Peter principle which is promoting someone to their corresponding level of incompetence.  The reason . . . Josh is already there.  There is no possible way for him to be any more incompetent than he already is.  There is nowhere to go but up!
  7. Josh can put a positive spin on Yahoo’s historic service interruption problems by calling for a national  “Connection Refused” holiday so that the working population can spend some quality time with their families.  Josh after all, is an expert in terms of coming up with excuses for not working!
  8. Yahoo’s cash shortage is right in Josh’s wheelhouse as one of his first moves as the company’s senior executive would be to identify and successfully obtain government assistance for the shortfall, paving the way for him to reduce the employees work week from 5 days down to 1 day while still maintaining their current salary levels.
  9. Point number 8 would of course boost sagging employee morale and be a PR bonanza that would help return some of the shine to Yahoos tarnished image.
  10. Finally . . . well I don’t really have a point 10, but I have never heard of a top 9 so . . .

In the end, I would appeal to the Yahoo board to seriously consider Josh for the position as he couldn’t screw up the company any worse than it is now – hey, I just came up with a point 10!

Anyway, please give him the job . . . how else are we going to get him to leave the country?!

Josh from New Jersey . . . will take cash for no work!

Remember to take our Poll and to cast your vote for Josh!


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